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The ratings typically go downhill over time. The successful marriages are defined not by improvement, but by avoiding decline.
The thrill of infatuation fades, so the euphoria that initially bonded a couple cannot sustain them over the decades, but most couples find other sources of contentment and remain satisfied overall just not as satisfied as at the beginning. Sometimes, though, the decline in satisfaction is so steep that it dooms a marriage. Imagine you are dating someone who does something that annoys you.
This may not require a great sweking of imagination. Perhaps your partner is a spendthrift, or flirts with your friends, or zones out in the middle of your stories. How do you respond?
Let it slide and hope things improve. Explain what bothers you and work out a compromise.
Say nothing, but emotionally withdraw from your partner. Head for the exit. Threaten to break up, or start looking for another partner. Those answers form a matrix used in a classic study of how dating couples deal with problems. Psychologists at the University of Kentucky identified two general strategies, constructive or destructive, each of which could be either passive or active.
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❶Negativity hits young people especially hard, which is one reason that people who marry earlier in life are more likely to divorce than ones who delay marriage. Perhaps your partner is a spendthrift, or flirts with your friends, or zones out in the middle of your stories. Another reason is that younger people tend to seekinv less money, which means more stress.
They were more positive both in the way that they introduced a disagreement and in the way that they responded to criticism, and they remained more positive afterward. Say nothing, but emotionally withdraw from your partner. But before revealing the truth, the experimenter asked more questions about the relationship, and it turned out that the deception had a big impact on some of the people: the ones already prone to insecurity.
The thrill of infatuation fades, so the euphoria sppoil initially bonded a couple cannot sustain them over the decades, but most couples find other sources of contentment and remain satisfied overall just not as satisfied as at the beginning. To protect themselves, they changed their own attitudes. To get through the bad stuff, you need to stop the negative spiral before it begins.
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